Now with this pregnancy, I have made some pretty drastic lifestyle changes, with my diet, exorcise and my fluid intake. I drink nearly 3 litters of water everyday, watch my salt intake like a hawk, and get exorcise whenever I can. But let's be honest, how much more exorcise could I need chasing a toddler constantly :)
After the holidays, when I hit 20 weeks, I started getting really bad anxiety about my health. I am being painfully honest when I say that it is really starting to interfere with my life. If I start thinking about it I feel this tremendous weight on my chest and my heart starts pounding and I have a hard time catching my breath.
Even going to the doctor has been quite the ordeal as I have developed quite the "white coat syndrome." At my last appointment, the nurse said when taking my BP that my heart was beating like I ran up the stairs. That day it was 145/72. That Top number has everything to do with my anxiety and not my actual BP.
I am really going to talk to my doctor about this on Tuesday, because this is getting out of control. And you might think, well just don't think about it. I really wish it were that easy, but there are so many factors. My biggest fear is that I will be hospitalized, and what that will do for Adah. We have an amazing family that will step right in if need be, but it pains me to even think about that.
Right now, I have been getting the most comfort by my devotional times in the morning and mine and Jon's devotional time at night. And really all I can do when I am having issues is pray. So I have been praying a lot. My prayer is that Satin would not have any form of my body, and that really goes along with my anxiety. It creeps in and it literally messes with my body, it starts to spike my BP, and I start feeling sick. I feel although Satin is really using it as a tool to get to me.
So if you think about it pray for me! I am feeling like it is really robbing me of a good pregnancy. .
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5 comments:
Aww, yes I will be praying for you! We have a saying in my family, "don't play the what if game." You can't live worrying about what might happen. That is what we are trying to avoid in my family right now. I worry about my moms cancer coming back again. But you just can't focus on the negative. You have to say, ok, if the worst does happen the Lord will help you through and give you the strength when you need it and not before. So I know that the Lord will guard your thoughts just like he is doing for me right now! :-)
Anxiety like that is absolutely miserable, but it WILL pass and the Lord WILL take care of you. I know it makes you feel so frustrated that you can't just shut it off. Bleh. Praying the Lord will totally calm your heart and give you the peace that passes understanding!
I know the anxiety you are experiencing for so many reasons. I used to suffer from so much worry and anxiety early in my Christian walk, it caused physical illness. Then when you get pregnant, there is so much on your mind. I too suffered from "white coat syndrome" with Harper. And I was terrified of my second pregnancy turning out like the first. (We're so similar!) Still today when I let my mind get away from me, I feel it sneaking in.
You will be in my prayers, and please continue to try to stay calm to keep that BP down!
Take care.
I don't know you personally, but I wanted to comment on your post. Our family attends Harvest, and I attend the women's study, and am so blessed when your mom teachers. Anyway, I hope you don't think this totally weird, but I wanted to encourage you and tell you I'd be praying for you as well. Your blog really convicted me in a sense, and I really felt pressed to pray for you because I am going through a similar situation. Back in August, I miscarried what would have been our 3rd child. In Nov., on my daughther's 3rd birthday, I found out I was expecting again. Needless to say, the fear is there, and I have really felt like I have been letting the past really rob the joy the Lord's given me with this pregnancy. Your post really put things into perspective for me, and I want to thank you and tell you, you're not alone, and I will be praying for you. Sometimes we never know why certain trials come and the form they come in, but one thing I know for sure, and other ladies in my group have encouraged me with is that God is trying to teach us something through these trial. Please be encouraged and know you have another person praying for you. :)
Thank you ladies! This week (so far) has been really good. I have really been resting in the Lord that I am doing all that He requires me to do. And that is comforting.
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow at 3, so we will see what he says!
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